The Return of Your Favorite Show

Monday, May 15, 2006

The Return of Your Favorite Show

Today is a bittersweet day for many of us. One of the smartest, funniest, most heartfelt shows of all time aired its last episode not one hour ago. I am, of course, talking about The West Wing -- a tv show that brought the walk 'n talk to unparalleled heights of excellence.

I, for one, am very sad to see a show of this caliber go off the air. Especially when I feel that it ended prematurely. There was at least one more season of quality stories that could be told. So, to both honor the series and to offer a smidgen of hope that it can be reborn, I present the West Wing season-that-never-was:

Before I get into the synopsis, let me say when I feel this season needs to take place. Sure, we could look into the new Santos administration, but I feel that there was plenty of untapped potential in the original cast, who, in my opinion, is the greatest ensemble ever to grace the screen. So, this season-that-never-was will take place during the classic years of the Bartlet administration. Probably the perfect place would be when creator Aaron Sorkin left after season 4, especially since season 5 is generally considered to blow.

Here we go:

-Zoey, the President's daughter, has been captured by terrorists. President Bartlet goes undercover to rescue her, but is discovered by the cell. Now he and the terrorist leader must battle it out in a caged knife-fight in which there could only be ONE survivor. To make matters even more intense, if the President loses, the terrorist becomes the new leader of the free world!

-President Bartlet's mother-in-law is coming to visit, and we all know that means trouble! It seems that Abbey's mother always thought of the President as a good-for-nothing slug-about and that her daughter could've done better -- no matter what President Bartlet does to please her. It's just the President's luck when the country is placed in a national crisis with an impending transportation strike. To make matters worse, his mother-in-law took the bus to get to the White House, and won't be leaving until the mess is sorted out!

-While clearing out a long-abandoned room of the White House, Charlie discovers a magical mirror that is a portal to another dimension! Charlie gets sucked into the mirror, and out comes a mustachioed Charlie doppelganger. Nobody seems to suspect anything except for CJ, but can she figure out what happened before the red moon rises and Charlie is trapped forever?

-It turns out that the legend of Frankenstein's monster is true, and that Thomas Jefferson transported the slumbering beast in the basement of the White House as a scientific curiosity. Now the monster has awakened and has captured anyone who dares go down there. It turns out that there are a lot of brave people in the White House, as only the President and Margaret remain free. Can they figure out a way to put the monster back to sleep?

-In a very special episode, Toby is discovered to be addicted to opium! His friends in the West Wing band together to get him off the drug, but is their intervention enough, or will Toby's way with words convince them to join him in his sinful drug den?

-Here we go again! The President hit his head while reaching for a pen under his desk, and caught a bad case of amnesia! It's up to the West-Wingers to help him regain his memory before the State of the Union later that night, and keep news of his situation from falling into the hands of Rex Nutley, a newspaper reporter who has had it in for the President ever since Bartlet allegedly ran over his dog.

-A nuclear bomb is about to go off in the White House, and due to a gas leak that knocked everyone else out, only Josh can disarm it! The only problem is that his unique brand of wit is useless against the automated timer. Josh needs to find another way of saving the DC area against total destruction!

-At the West Wing's annual science fair, Dr. Farfenhosen's aging device goes haywire, and turns the West Wing staff into a bunch of toddlers! Now the President and Charlie have to keep those rambunctious rascals under control until a cure can be found -- and keep an eye out for a kidnapper who has been making the rounds in their area. They thought running a country is tough!

-Leo is alone again on Christmas and contemplates suicide. An angel appears and shows Leo what life would be like if President Bartlet were never born. Leo is confused until he learns that he is just a character in one of Josh's spicy-food-induced dreams.

-There is a traitor in the West Wing! Very important documents of national security have disappeared, and Leo is on the case to find out who sold out his country. He eventually narrows his list of suspects to Josh, Donna, CJ and the newly introduced West Wing character, Boris. Leo decides not to take any more chances and puts them all in front of a firing squad, until it is discovered that Boris' pet opossum was stealing the papers and using them to make her nest.

-Season Finale: The terrorist leader that kidnapped Zoey is back, and out for revenge! He's also become an unstoppable cyborg, and this time the President can't possibly stop him alone! The West Wingers must put aside the petty differences that has recently torn them apart, and band together to stop this un-American killing machine!

I have more ideas where these come from, but to find out what they are, you'll have to see them on TV. So, if anyone on the now defunct West Wing is reading this blog call me. Let's work something out. Okay.